Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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