She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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