i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my sisters under your porch take her home
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
