In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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