Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
they need to just BURY HIM!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
