Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
