i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
