Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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