If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
