Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
