No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
