Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
