You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
