I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
