if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
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