Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
