im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
