It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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