My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
