sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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