i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
