he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
