Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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