I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
