If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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