Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's never too late to be topless.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
