i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He kissed a someone with a penis
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
