I don't think brook has ever known best
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize