I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
