There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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