just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
