he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
