she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
