we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
