Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
