yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
