you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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