After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
