I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
