she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
