new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
