We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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