dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
