my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
sex in a hospital.. check
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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