the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
