i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
