Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
