i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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