hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
