I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
