remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize