i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm too high and old for this...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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