Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
