I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
