guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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