i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
