i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
