Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
