when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
