Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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