I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just tell him i said nine months
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am naked and annoyed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
