Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
