So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize