you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
3 2 1 whiskey
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
