Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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