I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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