I wanna passion pit in your ass
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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