He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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