did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
