my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Four minutes until I can fart!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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