Soap is not a condiment
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
