you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
