i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
