His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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