A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
