My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ladies don't puke and tell
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
