do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
