I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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